Be Your Own Cheerleader
I wrote this last year. Just posting it now as a reminder.
I wish I knew just how important it is to be happy on your own.
I am a 23-year-old extrovert, who loves to be BUSY all the time. To do ALL the things, say yes to ALL the opportunities. I love my friends, my family, fully and deeply, with ALL I have. More often than not I long and live to make them happy.
I fill my days with activities, things and people, never slowing down.
And it’s a fun, vibrant life, which I am so lucky to live.
But more recently, I’m slowly understanding just how important it is to be happy on your own; to not doubt yourself.
I don’t just mean being happy single but being happy with who you are, by yourself without the need for external validation or distraction.
As I’m growing older and people are beginning to come and go, I’ve realised there are two things certain in life: 1) uncertainty and 2) The only person who is determined to stay in your life forever is you.
Because of that, you’ve got to learn to love yourself and believe in yourself. That is your power.
In less than seven weeks, my lover/partner-in-crime/best friend/person who knows me better than I know myself is about to depart the country. He’s starting on another big, ole’ grand adventure. And with his departure, it will be the close of a chapter in the book of me and him.
I have absolutely no idea when I’ll see him again or when our feet will be on the same soft soil. I’m going to miss him SO MUCH.
I don’t want him to go.
But I also know just how important it is that he does.
He needs to have his own adventure.
And it’s bloody well time I went on my own personal quest.
You see, we have ONE life. One ordinary extraordinary life and we can only live it for ourselves.
We’ve got to make ourselves happy first and foremost. You are the central character of your own story. You’ve got to chase down your dreams and give this life all you have. We owe it to ourselves.
But how does one learn to be happy on your own?
You’ve got to carve out time to be with just you.
Whether that’s a moment in your day, a whole day itself, a weekend getaway, a month of solitude or a few years of self-discovery, you’ve got to make time for just YOU.
It’s SO SO IMPORTANT to spend time alone.
What I’ve seen play out recently in my life is when I’m alone, I struggle so much. I hate sitting with my thoughts sometimes. I’m such an anxious overthinker. Without school or university guiding the way, there's no stable structure for my day. Instead, I’ve really been set free on figuring out who I want to be and how I want to live my life. It’s so overwhelming and scary sometimes.
This year, I travelled to Wellington from my own city to visit some friends and I challenged myself to spend a day with just me.
By the end of it, I was having a panic attack. I felt so unsafe and insecure in my body, I felt like I was going to pass out. I couldn’t distract myself anymore.
It was such an uncomfortable experience, but it motivated me, even more, to learn how to be happy on my own. A wise friend once said to me, ‘one must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star.’
Spending time alone, without external distractions, gives you time and space to process what’s been happening. Your mind clears out the junk and in that cloudless sky, you can dream and design your life.
You get to think about your own future aspirations, you can plan out the person you want to be.
Starting to spend time alone watching a movie or tv show is a start but it’s important to actively spend time alone. For me, watching something is only a short-term, temporary distraction.
Hang out with yourself, as you would a friend.
With being happy on your own, comes a multitude of oozy, cheesy benefits; fill your own cup and it overflows to nurture and cherish every one around you.
When I’ve packed my day with busyness, I find my mind overflowing instead with chaos and it’s so much easier for external factors to really rock the boat within me.
I find myself acting insecure...I see it in the way I speak, the way I clutch onto the people around me.
But from spending time alone, I’ve put down an anchor. It holds me safe through life’s storms.
I’ve learned to be self-aware, to keep perspective. To know my values. I’m learning to set boundaries and say no. I’ve only been able to do this because I’ve been taking time to get quiet and truly listen to the me within.
After clearing out all the thoughts and feelings I’ve hoarded in my day, I really get down to the true me. The girl who is confident, and believes in herself.
I then act this way and it feels SO DAMN GOOD. I love feeling like myself.
The biggest sabotage to ourselves is self-doubt. Time alone, getting to know yourself, learning to be your BIGGEST, LOUDEST cheerleader, and being happy by yourself shows you that you can do anything!
When you spend time alone and learn to love yourself for all you are, when shit happens in life you’ll be able to cope so much better. That voice inside your head will be motivating you on, holding your hand and keeping you safe, not shouting out negative feedback loops that only bring you down.
I wish I knew earlier how to be happy on my own, but I’m grateful I know now. I know that no one can truly bring me happiness but myself. I’ve got to find my own joy...and you do too.
Here’s a little solo bucket list for you to try if you need a little help in spending time with you:
On a sunny day, head to your nearest park and lie back on the ground, watch the clouds and daydream.
Cook yourself a gorgeous tasty meal while dancing it out to your favourite tunes...get loony for yourself, not anyone else.
Pack yourself a picnic and take yourself out on a hike.
Rent out an AirBnB and go away with just you for a weekend getaway. Pack a book and a notepad, leave your phone in the bag.
Go to your favourite restaurant and dine in. Get that glass of red wine or a cocktail. Sit and breathe and enjoy watching the human interactions around you.
The movie you’re excited to see...go to the movies and watch it by yourself.
Join a workshop - pottery, yoga, silks, painting, exercise...see yourself grow and make new pals too.
Take yourself to an event by yourself - a gig, a farmer’s market...see how brave you can be.
TRAVEL THE WORLD (that’s top of my bucket list ;) )
Design your own ‘you day’ - plan out a day for whatever you want to do and then go do it! My perfect ‘me’ day would include reading in bed in the morning with tea, a yummy blueberry muffin and coffee out at a cafe, a walk in the sunshine, an afternoon yoga stretch, cooking something tasty and then watching a movie with a face mask on and popcorn being consumed.
This piece is dedicated to the miraculous women in my life who inspire me to be happy on my own.