Time to Soar High Butterfly

This is for those having to figure out some big life decisions (or some little ones).

For those attempting to wander down a path of change.

For those knowing what they want, but facing the scary part of making the choice to chase after this.

At my restaurant work the other day, an older man, maybe 80ish years of age was sitting by himself having dinner. I introduced myself and he in return and I soon learnt he was studying design at the architecture school up the road. Earlier in the week he’d made a miniature table in the workshop there.

In the function room upstairs, it was a storm of emotions, sunshine fighting against grey clouds, thunder, lightening and pouring rain, as a community of people came together to remember a life just gone. A wake.

In the presence of this person filled with a long life of stories, still being written and also surrounded by the touch of an ending, I couldn’t help but reflect upon life and the currents of feelings swelling beneath my skin.

My life so far has been full of so much wonder, adventure and growth.

So far, I’ve made wrong choices and right choices, and from all of it I’ve learnt so many lessons.

I’ve learnt that life is unpredictable, full of sorrow, full of so many wonderful surprises and can’t-stop-smiling moments. It’s funny to think of where I am now and how I never could’ve guessed four months ago that this is where I’d be.

At this point where I am right now, I can turn my head to look back and boy I see how far I’ve come. I think about the girl I was a year ago and I feel so different. I think about the girl I was five years ago and I feel as if each day since then I’ve come more into myself and yet I’m still figuring so many things out. So many things have changed through the years too and not just myself.

This is exciting but it’s also so terrifying. There are so many uncertainties. So many decisions to make.

Within me I am constantly battling with and balancing the desire to live every day as if I was to die tomorrow with the need to follow a certain timeline of life. Because that’s the hard thing of it all - hopefully we live long lives but life can be very short too.

It’s the desire to do the things that make me truly happy yet I’m faced with the simple fact that some things sorta have to be done, (or is that just what society tells us?).

I have to finish my university degree, I have one year left. So I’m really close to starting another chapter of my life. But I feel this rustling in my bones, right now. My heart is beating fast. I know what I want. And yet there’s this cage around me. The only way to unlock it is through taking a few more steps in this direction I’ve chosen to find the key.

I feel like a summer bird, aching to stretch her wings and chase after the dawn and yet all I can do is sit tight in my cage and sing out the chorus as the sun rises and sets.

I’m absolutely terrified of being stuck in one place for too long. Home isn’t a house, home is where the heart is.

I’m so ready for some good change. But it’s so scary.

Here are some thoughts I’ve gathered after trying to figure out what choices I should make and decisions I should take, to paint the life I want to live:

1.

We constantly dream of doing this and being that, but it’s like we’re waiting for something to jolt us in to action, we’re following a set check-list. But why are we waiting?

I stumbled upon this video on YouTube where people 70 aged five to seventy-five were asked about their biggest regret and what advice they'd give to their younger self. 

One of the older characters said something which stuck with me.

He said:

“Don’t wait to start doing what you want to do when you grow up. Do it now.”

Working as a waitress, one of my favourite things to ask customers is a similar question of what advice they’d give to their 20 year old self.

And do you know what every single person has said?

They’ve all said something like this:

Follow your passion, do that which sets your soul on fire. There’s no time to lose. Yes certain careers will provide you with good money. Yes certain choices will provide you with a safe and comfortable life. But choose a life that brings you happiness. With enough passion and determination you can make any dream a reality.

So when making a choice - choose the option of the passion that makes you jump out of bed each morning, the thing you want to work hard for, the thing you can’t live without.

2.

Amidst so many uncertainties, figure out in your life what is certain. Listen to the song your heart sings. Trust your gut and what it tells you.

If I think about it, the best things I’ve done have been the ones where I let my heart take the lead. I chose to let my heartbeat show me the way like a trail of breadcrumbs through a mossy forest.

3.

You are the only person stopping you from achieving what you want. The choices you make are your own. Making decisions can be hard as you’re scared of judgement from others. But this is your life and you are in charge of the directions you take. You exist to make yourself happy. Do you follow the clearly lit and sign-posted pathway or do you choose to venture into the darkness and be guided by the stars?

4.

I don’t really know what I’m doing with a lot of things in my life, but I’m just going to keep trying and giving it my all, giving it my best. Maybe that’s the secret, keep showing up and you’ll figure it out along the way. There’s only so much thinking and planning you can do until you realise that time slips away and nothing has been accomplished or you’ve missed beautiful opportunities. Keep showing up.

5.

We don’t know how much time we have on this Earth. So really there’s absolutely no time to lose. There’s no reason at all why we shouldn’t set off to dance under the cherry blossom trees, or to set sail across the oceans if that’s what our heart wants. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again - Jack Kerouac so perfectly said it:

In the end you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing the lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain.

So, time to be brave I think.

Time to keep showing up.